Antoinette Blue
by Yuuchul
Summary: Kanda is close to dying soon. It was now or never to confess his feelings to Allen. Oneshot! Yullen!


-1**NOTE: **If you don't like yaoi, smut or whatever, please don't read…

**DISCLAIMER: **How many freakin' times do I have to say this? … D.Gray-man doesn't belong to me and it never will be oo; even if I use all the magic in the world, It can never be mine. They just HAAAD to belong to Katsura Hoshino-sensei.. ;;

Okay, I just got really bored so I decided to do an Allen and Kanda one shot! X3 It won't be much since I didn't really think through about it so, yeah. This takes place around like, the aftermath of D.Gray-man I guess xD (But it's not like D.Gray-man already ended but you get what I mean)

_Antoinette Blue_

Written by Yuu (Loussier Stellar)

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Kanda was distancing himself more than usual lately and Allen noticed it. Something was up with the swordsman and he had to know why. As soon as Kanda left the cafeteria after eating, the white haired boy instantly followed him. He had a crush on Kanda for some time now so I guess that's why he's always like this around the raven haired excorcist.

"Why are you following me, you stupid bean." spoke Kanda harshly.

Allen froze stiff and stuttered with his words and fiddled with his thumbs, "W-well I.. I kind of noticed that lately you've been.. Um.."

The swordsman snorted, "Hurry up and spit it out already, I don't have all day!" His outburst made the younger boy a bit more nervous.

"It's just that, you've been distancing from everybody lately.. More than usual, is something bothering you, Kanda?"

"The only thing that's bothering me right now, is you!" Kanda spat at the boy, getting slightly pissed. He noticed Allen stiffen again. 'You really are bothering me, bean-sprout.. You really are.. Your bothering my mind and heart right now.' Kanda thought to himself as he let out a silent sigh, then he looked towards Allen again with his usual scowl, "Now let lost before I use Mugen to cut open your guts." With that said, the swordsman walked off.

The white haired boy just huffed, 'That stubborn bastard.. Why does he have to act like such a jerk all the time?!' He ruffled his own hair in frustration, "I'll find out any way! Whether he's acting like a jackass or not!" With a I-am-so-gonna-do-it-no-matter-what face, he stormed off to his room.

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Kanda entered his room and set down Mugen to the side of his bed.

He sat on his bed and looked over to the lotus flower that was trapped in the hour glass, seeing the pile of pink petals at the bottom. Kanda placed his hand over his face, "I don't have that much time.. That damn lotus is dying.. And so am I.."

Allen's innocent face and smile came into the swordsman's mind.

He shook his head rapidly, "I can't let the bean-sprout know about this, or see me die cause of this curse." The very thought of that innocent excorcist mourning and crying over him, stabbed his heart like a thousand needles. Kanda clenched his chest, "No. Not Allen.."

Kanda laid on his bed and looked up to the ceiling, "I should just concerntrate on the mission tomorrow.. And not think about the bean-sprout." He mumbled as he fell to sleep.

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Allen had been wondering where Kanda had gone to for the last few days.

He spotted Lavi and decided to ask him, "Lavi, have you seen Kanda? I haven't seen him in a while.." The orange bunny scratched the back of his head, "Nope, sorry bean-sprout-chan! Haven't seen Yuu in awhile either. Why do you ask?"

The younger boy stayed silent and said nothing.

Lavi gasped and squealed like a girl, "Could it be that you---!" He was cut off by Allen's hand over his mouth. He blushed, "Shut up Lavi, it's nothing like that! I was just wondering where he went, that's all!"

The older boy just grinned, "Sure sure, whatever you say, bean-sprout-chan."

Allen cringed, and stuttered, "S-stop doing that! It's making me nervous!"

"Oooh, why? Is it because you know that I'm riiightt?" Lavi grinned again, man, this was more fun than teasing Yuu!

"What?! Of course not! And besides, me and Kanda are like, completely opposite and we never get along! And on top of that.. Kanda. Hates. Me." Allen said the last few words loudly and slowly.

"Ma, whatever! Say what you want but for those past few missions of Yuu-chan saving your cute little butt says different." stated Lavi.

The younger boy blinked in confusion, "Wai?"

The orange rabbit sighed, "Your so blind, Allen. You see, don't you find it strange that Yuu-chan was always saving your butt and not his other comrades? And Yuu-chan isn't the kind of person to save people, he was always focused on his missions no matter what if his buddies die or live. But ever since you came along about a year ago, he started to change. Or are you that dense not to notice?" He smiled childishly at Allen, "But that's just what I think. I say, confront Yuu-chan and FORCE him to tell what he's feeling about you!" Lavi raised his fist up in the air.

Allen sweat dropped and a hint of pink spread across his cheeks, "A-ahaha.. I don't think I have the guts and he'll probably won't tell me anything."

"Well, you won't know for sure unless you try! Please, do this for your big brother!" Lavi whined as he begged to Allen on his knees. The white haired excorcist blushed in embarrassment, "Alright Lavi! Just please, don't embarrass yourself any further!"

The eye patched boy jumped in delight, "Yosh! Then go find him, bean-sprout-chan! Ganbatte deshou!" Allen inched away from him, 'Lavi is very scary.. Note to self, never ask him for advice or a question about Kanda ever again.' As he walked away into the hall, he thought more about what Lavi said to him. The memories of those times during missions with Kanda came flooding back to him, 'I guess he's right.. Kanda was always there to save me.. Even though he said he doesn't care if I die or not..' He recalled their first mission together and chuckled.

"Nah, it's probably just my imagination."

As Allen was heading back to his quarters, he noticed Kanda's door cracked a bit open. Being the curious childish mind he has, he opened it slowly and carefully. He popped his head inside and looked around, "It's so dark in here.." His eyes squinted as he saw a glowing pink light just head of him.

Allen walked inside and came towards the light. He gasped in awe.

It was a beautiful pink lotus flower. But most of it's petals have already fallen.

"I wonder why Kanda keeps a flower like this in his room.. Trapped in an hour glass too.." The young boy began to wonder as he reached out to touch the glass. He saw the gorgeous flower glow slightly and another petal had fallen. Taking off the glass prison, he caressed the petals softly.

"The poor thing, it's already dying but it's still so beautiful."

Just as he was about to touch it again, the door slammed shut. Allen jumped in surprise and turned around, seeing a very angry and injured Kanda.

He glared sharply at Allen, "What are you doing in here, you stupid bean-sprout?! Your not suppose to be in here!" He roared, scaring the poor boy to death. The swordsman quickly rushed over and covered the lotus with the glass once more.

"_Yume o mita, kowai yume o"_

_**I saw a dream, a scary dream**_

"Get out of here. I didn't want you to see this.." He choked as he coughed out blood. Allen quickly went over to Kanda, "Kanda! You need to lay down! I'll treat your wounds!" The swordsman turned away sharply, "I don't need your help, bean!"

Allen just tugged on his arm even more, dragging him to the bed, "Stop being a stubborn bastard and lay down!" He forced Kanda on the bed, pinning him down. Kanda growled as he struggled beneath Allen, a jolt of pain went through his body, he winced.

Slowly, the young boy got off him and smiled lightly, "Don't move. It'll hurt more, I'll go get some things to treat your wounds."

Kanda said nothing then Allen left. He looked over to the lotus flower and his eyes slightly narrowed, "It's all your fault, now I have to tell him.." His chest started to ache, "Damn it all."

Later, Allen came back and started to treat Kanda's bloody wounds. The room was silent, both excorcists did not speak a word. Kanda was relaxing a bit till he spoke, "You, want to know why there's a lotus in my room, right?" He said casually.

Allen looked down in guilt, "Y-yeah."

The swordsman's eyes narrowed, "That stupid flower, is my life." The white haired boy blinked, he didn't quite understand what Kanda meant by that. "You're life? What do you mean?"

"You see the tattoo on my chest right?"

"Yeah."

"That tattoo, is connected to the lotus. It's a curse. That's why I heal faster than anyone else could…" He put a hand over his left chest, just over the tattoo.

"W-well, that's a good thing right?" said Allen, with a smile.

"Not exactly. It is useful but it also drains away my life." The boys smile turned into a frown as he let out a gasp, "W-what?!" He stood up in shock. Kanda just turned his head away as he continued to explain, "When each petal falls, I get closer and closer to death. I didn't really care that much whether or not if a petal fell as long as I finish my missions and try to save as much as I can before I actually die."

"Kanda.."

The swordsman's dark eyes met with Allen's bright gray ones.

"Do you know why I act so cold to you?" He began as he breathed in, "It's because.. I didn't want to become close to you and.." Kanda trailed off, as he blushed in the dark, dark enough that Allen couldn't see.

"And..?" Allen was very curious on what he had to say.

"To love you.." Kanda muttered. Hearing those words made the younger boy's heart jump. Did he hear Kanda right? Was he dreaming or something? Or maybe Kanda hit his head too hard and started to say nonsense.

"A-ahaha.." Allen started, "Kanda, I think your starting to babble." Yep, he tried to deny what Kanda just said. The raven haired excorcist just looked at him, "No. I'm not. I didn't want to love you because.. When I die someday, you'll be sad. And I don't want someone like you, to cry and be sad over me, a hated person like myself. Because if you cry because of my death, I would never forgive myself.. That's why I wanted you to hate me.. Allen. So you won't care for me and mourn over me."

"_Toozakaru senaka ni koboreta_

_Aru hazu no, sono andou o_

_Mou ichido datte sagashiteta"_

_**Overflowing that distance back**_

_**The warmth that was suppose to be there,**_

_**I went to search for it once more**_

Allen stood up once more, clenching his fist and his bangs covering his eyes as tears trailed down his pale cheeks.

"Why would I hate you?! Why wouldn't I care for you and mourn over you when you die?! It's because we're---!" His outburst was cut off by soft lips pressed against his own. Allen's eyes winded as Kanda slowly pulled away from him, gasping for breath.

"I love you, Allen. No matter how hard I deceived myself.. But something about you just made me feel drawn to you. Your smile, your innocent face, even when your being naïve. I love every part of you.." Kanda trailed off again, trying to see what the younger boys reaction would be. Allen's eyes we're still wide and tears we're still going down his cheeks, "I…" The boy was speechless, he didn't know what to say to swordsman now.

Kanda just sat up from bed, "But I can never be with you. I won't be able to stay by your side for long.." God, Kanda hated this. He was pouring out his feelings to Allen, but he had to do it now or never. He sighed, he received no answer from the boy. 'I guess he doesn't feel the same way.. That's okay. He won't have to suffer then.' The raven haired excorcist thought as he got up from the bed and walked towards the door till small arms we're wrapped around his waist and pulled him back.

"D-don't go!" Allen squeaked.

"Bean-sprout--?"

"Please don't leave me, Kanda! I can't let you go.. No.." The younger one buried his face against Kanda's back, as his grip tightened, "I want to stay with you. I want to be beside you always. Even if your time is limited, I don't care! I want to be with you as long as I can!"

Kanda's eyes winded; was Allen confessing to him..?

"But we won't have that much time--"

"I don't care!" Allen stated. Kanda could feel wetness on his back, the bean-sprout was crying again.

"I don't care!" The boy repeated, "I just.. Just please let me be with you, even if it's just for a little while.. Share everything with me, Kanda. I'll die with you if I have to!" He cried even more, his voice beginning to crack.

"_Dakara soba ni itte, zutto dato itte_

_Akuma no koe o, hakikesu made"_

_**So please be at my side, **_

_**Say that you always will be.**_

_**Until the demon's voice has gone**_

Kanda slowly turned around and gripped Allen's shoulders gently, looking down at him. Allen looked up, "Kanda, I l---!" Soft lips cut him off once again, "Don't say anymore.." The swordsman whispered as he parted for a bit as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears. He smirked, "I get it, you love me."

Allen blushed once more as Kanda swooped in to steal another kiss. A more passionate kiss. He couldn't help but kiss back, his arms wrapped around Kanda's neck and pulled him down closer.

'I guess telling him wasn't a mistake after all..' The older boy thought as his arms snaked around the smaller boy's waist as he trailed light butterfly kisses down Allen's pale neck, earning him a slight gasp and moan from his new lover.

The older boy led Allen to the bed and pinned him down gently as he continued to kiss down his neck to his shoulder. He moaned out once more, "_Yuu_" Hearing that made Kanda smile slightly. Allen run his fingers through the swordsman's hair as he buried his face against the crook of his neck, "Please say that you love me."

"_Ushinawanu you ni, sotto takishikameru_

_Taisetsuna kioku wa, aya machi ni natte mo"_

_**Gently making sure so t hat I won't lose it,**_

_**Even if important memories become a mistake**_

"Aishiteru, moyashi.." Kanda whispered, as his hands trailed down to Allen's and entangled their fingers, grasping the younger boy's hand gently yet protectively

"I love you too, Yuu, always and forever.." Allen smiled lovingly as tears ran down his cheek once more as he gripped Kanda's hand too as the tears we're kissed away.

"_Nee, naze ka, utsukushii dake?"_

_**Somehow, it still seems so beautiful**_

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And THE END. Man, that was HARD. Especially at the confession part, please spare me, I was doing this was being scolded by my mother, writing my homework and chatting on MSN at the same time. Hehehe. XD;

I was also listening to Antoinette Blue by Nana Kitade (4th Ending of D.Gray-man) and I kinda got hooked so it kind of gave me an inspiration! Hope you enjoyed!

Ja mata!

-- Yuu


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